Help - it's a Mummy Mid-life Crisis!

Remember that classic moment in "When Harry met Sally" when Sally has a meltdown and utters the immortal words "And I'm gonna be 40!" to which Harry asks "When?" and she replies " Someday..... but it's there, it's just sitting there like this big dead end..."

Well last week I woke up and realized that I'm going to be 50 and not just someday, but ahem, in 3 years time - how on earth is that remotely possible? When did getting older sneak up and bite me on my (not nearly as perky as it once was) behind?  I only just turned 40 - didn't I? OK, breathe, it's not a dead end, I've still got loads of time to grow old disgracefully (which I fully intend to) and whereas Sally was panicking about being single and childless, I'm happily on the other side of that fence. With the boys growing in confidence and independence and the battle of the menopausal vs t(w)eenage mood-swings still at arm's length, I've finally got a sliver of me time - between school runs.

Time to work out what I need to do to hold it all together (answer: write my blog), time to ask myself such soul-searching questions as 'does facial acupuncture actually work?' (answer: worth a try) and 'can I get away with buying (and wearing) a black leather biker jacket?' (answer: yes, and it's in my wardrobe.) Nothing new of course, only now it's got a name. Yes, dear readers, apparently according to "Mums Like Us" author Laura Kemp I'm on the verge of a Mummy mid-life crisis - who knew?

According to Kemp there are seven symptoms of the 'Mumopause' and on going through the list I have to admit I'm exhibiting enough of them to qualify:

1. Having a Radical Haircut
Once a long haired girl always a long haired girl, that's me.  So why have I been drooling over pictures of Michelle Williams in the current Louis Vuitton campaign and wondering whether this style would suit me?

Michelle Williams for Louis Vuitton. Photo: Peter Lindbergh

 
2. Intense Exercise
I've written about my regular yoga class before and having taken it up 4 years ago it's now a fixed part of my weekly routine. I love the toning (body) and calming (mind) effects , (though heaven knows I will never have Gwyneth's "stripper's butt'') but that's not enough - suddenly I'm getting scarily drawn to rather whacky yoga leggings like these:

Onzie Galaxy yoga leggings

I even found myself a pair and absentmindedly did the school run in them post class - what was I thinking? Definitely crisis-worthy...

3. Getting Crafty
I've always been a fan of sewing a bit of bunting and making the odd lavender bag, but now thanks to the genius that is Pinterest, I'm nosily checking out everyone's interiors and holiday craft ideas and endlessly thinking I could make something similar if I had the time - which I would have, if I could just stop pinning.  Hang on, I know I've got a pot of blackboard paint somewhere....

Photo: Pinterest

4. Hooked on Social Media
Friends you've never met? Checking for constant updates on the minutiae of other people's lives? I would like to say that I'm not suffering from this symptom as I'm one of the only people left on the planet who is NOF (Not On Facebook.) How on earth do I cope you may well ask? Well, I find Instagram does it for me people, and if someone I've never met likes my cupcake photo, it quite frankly makes my day. Guilty m'lord.

5. Watching the News
Now that the children are no longer glued to Peppa Pig, we 'Mumopausal' ladies are finally able to get back to grips with world news and current affairs. Knowing what's going on in the outside world again should be a good thing, though the news is regularly so depressing that I often find myself wishing I was still watching the former.  However I have realized I can sneakily replace bearded Daddy Pig with the now rather gloriously bearded Jeremy Paxman - a perfect reason for my renewed interest in 'Newsnight'.

Jeremy Paxman Photo: BBC

6. Getting a dog
Hah - this is the one symptom I am definitely NOT exhibiting. Puppies are popping (or should that be pooping?) up all around me as other Mums I know succumb, but I am holding out - oh yes. I'm happy to have the house to myself once the boys have all left in the morning, I do not need a reason to go out for a walk in the freezing cold, no thank you. But I do think Bob will be making his way onto Captain Adorable's bed for Christmas - and no, he's not a real dog - ingenious eh?

www.snurkbeddengoed.nl

7. Caring about winter boots
Last winter it was all about my Sorel boots. That was my quest for the practical and stylish option (my 'crise' was obviously starting back then.) Now that's done I'm free to spend hours Googling slightly more frivolous footwear. I didn't know I needed a patent pair but as my favourite Fashion Editor Lisa Armstrong says - they go with everything - so now of course I do... I'm off to Zara tomorrow.

(L-R): Leather, £515, by Miu Miu, from net-a-porter.com , Block heel, £75, by Zara (zara.com) , Leather with ankle strap, £374.35, by Church's, from farfetch.com

And there you have it - I score 6.5 out of 7 - I think the 'Mummy mid-life crisis' Club would have me.

But wait, isn't there an 8th symptom out there - what about 'Getting a Tattoo'?  Surely that's a sign?  I've thought quite alot about it on and off - nothing very original I grant you: 2 stars on my wrist or the boys names in Sanskrit but so far I've resisted (perhaps subconsciously trying to keep my crisis at bay?) And then this week the 75 year old BBC TV presenter David Dimbleby revealed that he has recently had a scorpion tattooed on his back, which when I add that to David Beckham's current inking overload, I can safely say has knocked any desire I had to get a tattoo firmly on the head. Over, kaput, not for me.

Photo: BBC

 Still happy to include a pic of Becks though in his new Christmas undies:

David Beckham for H&M

So, saved by the bell (well actually the scorpion), English Gent can sleep easy, safe in the knowledge that I'm not going to turn into the Tattooed Lady over night and I can get my required 8 hours as I reckon I'm holding off on my 'Mummy mid-life' crisis - for now.  But it's definitely a slippery slope.... Are you holding out or joining the ranks? I'd love to know.

An Apple a Day

One minute it was all season of mists and mellow fruitfulness and suddenly, whether I like it or not, the Christmas countdown has begun....  However, before I go and get completely obsessed with what colour scheme my tree will be this year, I'm giving one last culinary gasp to Autumn.  It definitely wouldn't win me Star Baker on "The Great British Bake Off" (a totally addictive BBC television baking competition for those who are not in the know) but this apple pie is a slam dunk winner around our kitchen table. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my boys out in the garden apple picking and then munching their way through the fruits of their labours a couple of hours later.

Photo: www.seasonal-love.tumblr.com

The recipe in question is Nigel Slater's " Bramley Apple Shortcake" which comes from his amazing Kitchen Diaries (the first and best one in my opinion). The pastry is crumbly and sweet - it can be fiddly to roll so you need to be patient, and if you do have to patch it, by the time it comes out of the oven all golden and burnished and beautiful, no-one will be any the wiser - trust me.

For the pastry:
butter- 150g
golden caster sugar- 150g
an egg
plain flour - 250g
1 tsp baking powder
a little milk and sugar to finish 

For the filling:
1.2kg Bramley apples (if you can't get Bramleys, choose another tart apple eg Braeburn)
lemon juice
butter - 50g
a heaped tablespoon of caster sugar.

Photo: Andrea Jones

Lightly butter a 24cm shallow metal pie plate. Cream the butter and sugar in a food mixer until light and fluffy.  Mix in the egg, then gently add the flour and baking powder.  Remove and roll into a ball on a heavily floured work surface.  Knead the dough for a minute or two until it it is smooth and soft (it will be quite soft, be warned). 

Cut the pastry in half, roll out one half and use it to line the pie tin.  Wrap the remaining pastry in greaseproof paper and refrigerate it with the lined tin for 20 minutes or so.  It won't hurt if you leave it a bit longer. Set the oven at 180c/Gas 4.  Peel the apples, remove their cores and slice them thickly, as you would for apple pie.  Drop them in cold water to which you have added a squeeze of lemon juice to stop them discolouring. 

Melt the butter in a non-stick frying pan when it sizzles, add the apples.  You want them to colour here and there and soften somewhat, but without breaking up.  Scatter the sugar over them and continue cooking until they are very lightly caramelised. As soon as they show signs of frothing remove from the heat.

Place a baking sheet in the oven to heat up, use the juice from the apples to brush the edges of the lined pastry case.  Fill the tin with the cooked apples, then roll out the second half of the pastry and carefully lay it  on top of the fruit.  Press the pastry edges together and patch where necessary. Brush the pastry crust tenderly with milk and sprinkle with caster sugar.  Bake for 40 minutes or until pastry is golden and crumbly.  Leave to cool briefly, then sugar again before cutting.

I love the way Nige (as he's my constant kitchen companion I like to think we're on first name terms by now) advises 'tenderly' brushing the pastry crust with milk, but he's absolutely right. The warm apples make the pastry very soft so you have to go gently or you risk breaking the pastry top.

I kid you not, this is one of the most life-affirming, uplifting mouthfuls of apple you will ever taste - I urge you to give it a go. As they say on the GBBO "On your marks, get set, bake!"